Alien Alibis

I am used to hearing the line, "God told me to." That line is as old as the first holy book. I am beginning to get used to people saying that aliens told them to as well. That's why I like it when people are creative and add a little bit of spice to their stories.

Scott Krause's excuse for killing a UPS driver (after stealing a car and performing several other illegal acts) claims that he was escaping flesh-eating subterranean beings. I wish that they had him sit down with a sketch artist so that I could see pictures of these little monsters. Maybe I've seen them before. Maybe I know them. If so, I don't want to invite them to my next house party.

Needless to sat, Krause is putting in the insanity plea. Why? It was the alien's fault. If they hadn't been chasing him...they're at least slightly culpable for the actions that took place. If Mr. Krause cannot find justice in the criminal courts, then I suggest that he look for justice in the civil courts.

Sue those subterranean sons of bitches!

PASA (People Against Subterranean Aliens) are looking into this case seriously. If the reports are correct then they may finally have a lead on where to track them down.

"We have been looking for an entrace into their caverns for some time now," says PASA founder, Mike Hardon. "It appears that it may be in California somewhere. Probably hidden beneath the ocean. Maybe in a theme park. If not we're thinking Oregon. Maybe Alaska. North Pole. South Pole."

When asked if he really knew anything about subterranean aliens Hardon adamantly replied:

"I do know one thing. They are a threat to democracy."

I asked how.

"Things I don't like are a threat to democracy. That's just how the cookie crumbles. McCarthy didn't like commies...threat to democracy. Bush hates Iraqis...threat to democracy. Anything we don't like is a threat to democracy!"

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